I travelled to Iceland, England and Portugal in October, came back and immediately had double knee surgeries to “replace” my knees. That last travel to the operating room is a visit into the underworld of sorts. 

Initially I thought my knees would be cut out and new knees put in, as replacement. Instead there is a piece placed at the back of the knee, going up and down the leg from the knee, which replaces the problematic joint. Then there is a quarter inch thick, flat piece, like a cushion placed between the upper and lower bones coming together at the knees. The surgeon said that he also cleans up the area and uses many stitches both inside and outside to keep it locked in, while healing after the operation. I was “walking” with a walker the next day. 

I had the worst time agreeing with myself that the surgeries were in order. A Chiropractor Doctor, who looked at the x-rays , said my back ache and ankle pain was cause by my knees in between them. A friend, who was a physical therapist, all her life, who knows bandy legs agreed that the operation was needed. I asked my friend why she did not say something sooner. She said it was not her “place.” I put it off for ten painful months and then oped for a miracle in theinbetween.

Then I went on my travels and used a wheelchair often and had a very lovely time, also pretending that the surgeries would not be much, I would be able to deal with it and instantly recover, when I came back.

Seven weeks after the operations, I am sitting in the sunlight window, with epson salt packs, hot as can be, around both knees and another saturated cloth around my ankles. My ankles tend to hurt as I adjust.

Home again and clumping around on my walker, I met a man, who said he had both of his knees operated on at the same time. He noted he could not take the meds, as he liked to drink alcohol and that most days he would be crying a lot. He noted that acquiring a stationary bike at his home was the only thing that helped in the end. He still struggles with alcohol even as he makes wine and cider. He was not drinking the day we visited, as his gout was too painful. His cider was very sweet. We sampled a mouthful. 

The hospital stay was great. I was given a Bible  and a book about the Psalms to read. The doctor put in some medication in my thigh to “block nerve pain” and I thought I was off to a great start. They also made sure I swallowed all medications they recommend. 

When at home, I went into the complete “didder”  about medications, about how much and which ones. I ended up taking just one. I had a bad nightmare about being in the belly of a cow, as well as being in a place lined with big cows who were almost unconscious. I was locked in. I could see their glottis parts which are cut off. I whispered “Help.” I stopped using those meds and used the turmeric, passion flower, magnesium and valerian types. They were helpful even as they were light duty. They dulled the edge of the pain. 

I made use of homeopathic medications, the little white pills that are good for “bruising, black eyes and pain.” I took these before and after the operation, being careful not to advertise them too much. My local Homeopathic representative at Sues Super Nutrition give me the protocol. The hospital staff, if they noticed, said nothing to me about them. 

I was glad when I could sit into the bathtub again. That was one of only thing that brought me back to feeling human.

I did take a fall into the bath tub, as I put me hand on a suction type bar in the bathtub. I did some howling about that, ended up with a few black marks  and the area of my glottis hurt, when I coughed or swallowed. I did not take to drinking alcohol, but like the man with the double knee surgeries I cried most days for the first few weeks. It relieved the tension.

In surgery, I woke up briefly to hear the sound of a hammer hitting a nail, seven times. Both seemed bright silver, the nail and hammer. I may have been able to open my eyes. I  checked later with the surgeon about this and he said he definitely uses a “hammer and nails.” I was very pleased to have become conscious within a space that is so hidden from the person getting operated on. 

I constantly worked oils into my knees and legs and lay on my back often. That also helped with dulling the pain. Peanut and olive were the main oils I used. I sought out pines and oaks as my friend Pamela said they would help with healing. They got me out into the lovely sunshine and parks.

Above and beyond all of the detail above, there is the psychological impact, that forces me into some kind of letting go in order to go on. I still carry on with that aspect of me that endured knee pain for about thirty years. She is appearing in the dream and maybe I can off load, or repurpose her for some better work, other than complaining and crying. I do know I love been able to walk again. My sister Rita said that I am leaving the dust behind me, when I walk now. I am also hoping to leave my dream complainer in the dust too. 

I look forward to writing about my pilgrimage to Fatima and hope that I will do that next. Also hope to blog some dreams and watercolors that have come to me since my operation. Love you all, and praying for you too. Rose Marie.