Kundalini and The Beloved

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for thy love is better than wine,” (Can 1:2)

All watercolors found here are from a journal I kept in 1995.

The inner and the outer beloved visit us in our dreams and in our infatuations. The inner beloved is associated with the spiritual and God as lover and the outer takes the projections of love. These projections help us hook up with partners and lift us up until such time as we settle into the work of true relationship, whoever it is with, whatever gender they happen to be. The inner beloved keep us connected to our Spiritual Path and opens up as we walk more deeply into it. The outer lover grounds us in the earth helping us make real on the earth real love.

Recently I attended a wedding of my friends, Allison and Melissa, with a beautiful ceremony outside, and marvelous food to celebrate the occasion. 

A dream that could stand more investigation.

Being at the wedding, brought me back to my teen years in “Our Lady of the Angels” Boarding school in Mullingar, Ireland. We were a group of thirty five girls spread over three grades and as I turned fifteen, I was leaning into my own feelings about who I was attracted to. I fell deeply for a young woman who came to the school for one year. 

When ever I looked into her eyes I felt a rush of warm feeling that made me want to faint. I know  now that my first love was the object of my projection of the beloved. First love is usually accompanied with the first movement of energy in the first chakra, the root of ourselves.

He looks a bit like my father. He could have neck issues hilighted in above image relating to Karma.

Another girl asked if I wanted a kiss and before I could say anything I was kissed. I did not care for her so much and when she started pinching me, as I climbed the stairs ahead of her, I turned around and slapped her hard on the face. Sister Thomas heard about it and looked at me with great disapproval. from across the wooden classroom desk.

Toward the end of the school year, I went to my beloved’s bed but Sister Patrice was doing her rounds and I was shunted back to my bed. I remember that delicious feeling as we lay together. I have it now for my lover when we lay together.

Inner female character from the dreams.

In my dormitory with about twenty beds, I settled into my own and listened to someone playing pop music on radio Luxembourg, under their bedclothes. Sister Patrice said she would tell the priest about me. I was intimidated by her but she said no more about my night time wanderings either.

I was jealous of my beloved’s closeness with a fellow classmate and I thought slapping her would help. Before I did so, she said that if I ever did slap her she would not speak to me again. She kept her word and I found myself facing the pain and loneliness of the situation.

This 1995 journal, from which these watercolors are taken are full of images, both male and female

The school year ended soon and I wrote to her in vein. I moved on to my first job in a restaurant , and met a boyfriend. He was briefly my new beloved. 

I have had intense feelings for at least two other women over my twenties and thirties. I had a dream about one, that our big toes touched and I was flooded with ecstatic feelings, light climbing up through me and filling me. I read at the time that in some Indian Religion a goddess resided in the big toe. 

This image has references to healer and healee, and says further down “synchronize brain waves and healing takes place.”

I categorize the above outburst of light, as a Kundalini experience, where that energy was moving in my first chakra and flooded me with intense feelings, which then got projected onto my friend. I had an active meditation practice and worked with a mentor.

My mentor, and other writers of the Psychoanalytic, interprets such movement of energy as something to be observed, rather than acted out. I was in no mode to be careful initially, dealing with an inflation of this outburst of spiritual energy, and told me friend about these feelings.

Shadow female figure from within

My mentor held the space for me and interpreted another dream, (of a very dark sky and back door banging dangerously,) telling me to be careful with me feelings, to contain myself and not put my family, of three young children and a busy husband, at risk.

I felt mortified to be rejected, but in the end, that projection subsided and the energy in the first chakra normalized, and it did not hurt our friendship and we remained good comfortable friends, over the years.


A recent dream of lesbian lovers came to me just before the above wedding. In my dream one girl wanted to stay in the relationship with deep love but the other wanted out. 

After talking to a very attentive friend at the wedding and after considering the dream in a meditation hour, I realize that the two women represent aspects of me. One wants to stay with the inner beloved, exploring the relationship and the other wants to go out looking for ten thousand things that are to be found out there. 

just for fun. – “The Wedding”

I am doing an eleven day kundalini practice, finishing at Solstice. I wept one morning big salty tears as I considered the division in me, how I am not able to fight for the woman who only wants the beloved, to love and serve. My tears went into my ears, and mixed with the sandy salt still in there from my encounter with the ocean on the last morning on the beach. 

I was trying to get out of a full tide, rolling waves situation, and it took four efforts; climbing out, anchoring my feet into the shifting sand, grabbing the ground when I was down on my knees, going with the wave as far in as I could, before being dragged in again.  

Early Morning Meditation at the Bay at First Landing State Park

After the fourth wave broke over me, I was far enough up the sand to jump up and run for my life out of the water. There was pounds of sand in my swimsuit and my hair surely rustled as I left the beach, little sandy stones spraying around me out of my white curls. 

Sometimes I like to say that I am giving God a chance to get me at least once a day, especially if I have a near miss, driving, or biking into a ditch, or fighting against the water. I usually get a good laugh for that. But now that I am thinking about this thing that I have no control over, I really do not want to pass over any time soon. I want to use this valuable time to love and serve and to see how to do it the better, complete with inner and outer lover. I am held lovingly as I work on these words.

The Physical energies of creation mirrored in the first, root, chakra are a mirroring of the Kundalini energies that are spiritual in nature.
I attended a Kundalini Class via Zoom on the Bay side where we had a cabin for a week. I was down there for 5.00am with only crows around sometimes.

Letting me headstrong self out of the genii bottle can be a good thing, as long as I know where I am going… straight forward wherever the spirit leads. Love from Rose Marie.

Posted in Kundalini, Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rising Risers

I meditate to come into contact with God and can spend two hours of a night doing that. I hope that has left a positive imprint on the house I am selling.

After early morning meditation on Virginia Beach

I know I have been successful with meditation, if I return to my bed and my partner says something like “it is the Bridgewater Yard sale tomorrow” and I am filled with brimming laughter and can not keep it suppressed.  He was the one who found my new house here when he went yard “saleing” and got lost. He saw the “for sale” sign. We were on it and we now have this house. I am in love with it and feel it is a gift from God. 

Gaelic for “Welcome to my house.” A gift from real estate helper, Mr Moore.

He also can go yard sailing and find exactly what he wants. He came back this past Saturday morning with a composting bin, some extension cords, some bird decorations and a vice grip. He said they were all on his list, things we need.

First sunset at the new house and the finder of the house.

That laughter was sweet and while it does not always happen it often happens inspired by something or other random that might happen to two people living in such close quarters. Laughter is said to be the “best medicine” and I love when I make people laugh and when I can cheer people up. It was an ideal of mine from way back. 

A witty friend, Pamela said “Something you found while packing.”

Selling my house in Harrisonburg City caused me to be negative about getting it sold. One real estate agent told me that my house is one of the few in Harrisonburg that have retained so much of the light and beauty of an old house, is preserved very well and has been expanded into a modern beautiful home.

Morning light coming in eastern window.

Some of the new construction came under the eye of the city and was approved. However, for some reason, the stairs put in ten years ago was not. The stairs was a little squashed into the available, most convenient space, resulting in narrow steps.  It has not been accepted by the city as “up to code,” which applies to all new construction.

After one phone call I cried for a while. Then I prayed and that made all the difference to my attitude and I immediately became less anxious, a sign I had made the right decision to redo the stairs. It was so hard for me, to tackle doing needed phone calls but was able to do it once I had made the right decision regarding the house.

My bible study crew are very helpful in encouraging me They made a point of praying for my house and this carried me in a little boat over the hump of resistance, doubt and fear. The city folks are helpful in saying they will expedite it and check plans and drawings to make sure it can go smoothly. 

Doing something is always helpful. Find where you are led to do the next thing. Writing e-mails to the city was it for me. I sent a drawing, pictures, words over several e-mails which brought the engineers to ask questions, which I answered and eventually they said they would visit my house. That is what I needed to go forward. 

I can now report that the “three risers” under the steps are in place and I am feeling that the stairs is like my back bone. As I fix this central part of my house, I am also fixing the central part of my back bone at my center. The risers needed raising 3/4 of an inch at bottom so that it could be within 3/8 of an inch of code which is “the magic number” to go forward with the stamp of the city. 

I think of my back bone and am thinking of raising my whole back bone up a little. Perhaps standing on my head by hanging off the bed or hanging over into a u shape will do the trick. 

Do what is on hand and then the next thing will come. I am looking for a literal rising of the energy through my back gone more freely. I will settle for that. The stairs at the house is icing on the cake.

The dirty dust (The title of a fun book I read, given to me by my sister in Ireland.It was concerned with eternal gossip, engaged in by the dead in a certain graveyard.It helps me let go of some of my own useless squabbles with others.)

I am exposed the the “dirty dust’ that comes with demolition to insert the longer stairs. We found the weight bearing wall and hung the stairs there. I breath out the dirty dust literally, and made some use of a mask. I also breath out what is not helpful in myself when it comes to opening up to the pattern in me that is of God. What handfuls of dirty dust do I breath through that needs sweeping clean out of my body, hidden and ignored for over ten years. 

The rock at Rawley Springs being held by the tree branches.

Prayers for finishing off the house and getting it sold by the 19th,  a date that was given to me in a dream relating to the house. I am not a fortune teller but am curious to figure out if that “19th” had a literal meaning for me and if it is attached to my house.

Do not stop meditating and spending time in nature, where it is easy to feel close to God especiallywhen you are determined to do that.

Love from Rose Marie.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Outpressing of the Spirit

I took the opportunity to breathe deeper, while doing my exercises, outside,  and to think in terms of a dream that I got some months ago, where I was told to breath into five purple “flowers” above my head. The injunction was that this breathing into the place of God, the seventh chackra, above the head yet connected to the head, would make them “more real.” 

I see a violet mist or color above my head, a rainbow color and texture.  When I got the experience, I bolted upright in bed and repeated a few times, “I almost lost that experience.” So real and at the same time fleeting, just beside the door to my conscious mind, which had opened to let me have this experience.  It was from the unconscious and manifested itself to my left and above me, as I looked.

Just a few days after having that dream, I saw a picture of a crosslegged monk, sitting in meditation, and five similar shapes over his head.

While on my travels in 2019 in Greece, I noticed I have a picture of similar shapes on the top of a church. 

I am full of prayers for this out pressing in myself. I noticed my thoughts clicking onto difficult issues and noticing a pain here or there as I exercised. I thought my pains were related to my habit of gnashing my teeth about some people and having a negative outlook on somethings unfolding in my life.

Gnashing teeth a little, taken in a cafe in San Juan, Porto Rico, earlier this year.

I am quick to point out to others to pay attention when they have a dream about false teeth gnashing the thumb bloody, but it is only when I can catch my own gnashing of teeth, that I have a chance of out pressing the spirit in myself. 

The hymn with the words “I am with you through it all… I go before you always, come follow me…” are dancing around in me for a few days. What ever I experience as difficult comes up to be cared for by me. I want to brood and block the flow of energy when I can be opening my heart to all involved, allowing that which is best to flow into the situation. “I am calling you over..” comes to be sung too. 

A little Knee capping from the dreams

So I am dancing in the weeds of buying and selling my house. Fears are many and varied and I will not bore you with details. But I will say it is causing me to let go again and again, to breath more deeply into my flowers. 

From the dreams -a helpful Virgin from a man’s dreams

My sister is traveling in the south of Ireland, close to where my sweet mother had a great vision of the Virgin Mary. 

My mother, felt so loved and so enveloped when the Virgin Mary smiled down at her. She made me come back there, to that little church in County Cork, when I was in my early sixties and we realized the specialness of that vision and it was not to be repeated on demand. 

Pregnant Virgin

This vision, she described, not twelve months before she died, was of “a house came down over me”, “everything fell away” and “The virgin looked into my eyes, with her smiling eyes,  and I felt so loved.” These are the memories I now have of her describing it when she was seventy and again when she was ninety. 

By the time she was ninety four she was a little hunched over, sitting at the side of the bed, blind, with her key board right in front of her where she could play hymns to Mary,  and she described her vision again. I love that she had that experience of the other reality, of her Virgin Mary, and that she had such clear memory, and had words to describe it at the end of her life. 

The Goddess Tara from another Religion. She is said to have seven eyes.

I questioned her about “the house came down over me” words that she repeated, when ninety, with emphasis, aghast that I was not comprehending. I became quite as she explained how the Virgin came close to her, swooped away from her place at the church and with the feeling of a rush of spirit, came into my mother’s near proximity, smiling at her, opening her heart. 

She said the warmth she experienced was visceral and stayed with her for a full year. She tried to explain to a near neighbor on pilgrimage with her and he patronized her and she feared to tell her confessor at the Carmelite Church in Moate.  However, her experience never left her and informed her beyond any knowledge from church or priest. It moved over her subjective knowledge and was given a Reality that did not leave her wanting. 

Finding the key – They may be already on your person – Five keys.

I hope you too can find this other reality in the midst of your meditation and in the midst of difficulties in your life. It is a great gift to be given such visions. I hope your can look into your dreams and appreciate that when your grandmother, in her nineties, shows up with special sparkly red shoes that that too is telling you something special. You have the choice to be a carrier of love, whatever the situations that comes your way. 

George Fowler* and Brother Merton, two Trappist monks, (one ex, one deceased) who spent years in silent meditation, in monasteries, describe situations which blew their realities away and left them changed. Knowing this other reality, that swamped them with love, filling their lives with not just a knowledge of love but with the Reality of Love within them. 

Love from Rose Marie. 

After reading about visions, and having one or two myself and being with my Mother's visions, I want to encourage others. A Reality that has a profound effect on those who have them. I often hear of them in therapy sessions.
From the dreams and a Mandala as well.

*From whose book I got the word “out pressing of the Spirit.”

Posted in dreams, Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Shadow Index Finger and Light through the Hand

I am at the beach again and on my favorite path near the bay in First Landing State Park. I am riding my bike along and it is a ninety degree day, with people, dogs, babies and bikes all on the same path. 

I am riding a new bike to me, higher off the ground and bigger wheels. I love the ease of changing gears and generally feeling up off the ground and speeding along. It may be doubtful that it is a good idea for me to ride it but I have no doubt about how I feel on this bike. 

The bike wheel did not fall off but got a bit squeky

I am watching and slowing down at a particular corner where there is a bench and more open  path. However a big shaggy dog is there with its owner calling to it “Reilly” to get him back to the owner. He is off the leash. He sees me and starts wriggling his whole body in anticipation of meeting me. I do not like getting down off the bike as it is an effort to get back up. However this dog is oblivious to his master and runs straight at me and at the last moment puts his whole body in my way. I jump down, stay upright and the wheel flips to one side. 

My reaction to all this is to yell at the owner about keeping the dog on its leash. “what is the matter with you, it is not Riley’s fault, it is your fault. I am a 70 year old woman and do not like being stopped suddenly.” She gets the dog under control. She said it was a very hot day 90° and she just let the dog out for a moment to get into the water.” 

The dog not on a leash

The dog has a long shaggy coat and must’ve been very hot. However I am frightened, had a fear of having a fall. I do not say any thing else but noticed that my front mud guard is now rubbing  in a noisy way, a little high pitched squeal togo with my squealing at Riley’s owner.

As she walks on she shouts back at me “Happy Christmas, happy Easter and bless your little heart” and her words had a certain unpleasant squeal too.

A rendition of my “Little Heart.”

I notice a man standing nearby with his eyes closed down toward his small son who is just knee-high to him. The boy is a little wide eyed looking around. My face gets red as I write this paragraph. I have some shame for shouting in front of the little boy. 

I feel the shame of lashing out at Riley’s owner because they had no intention of hurting me and somehow my not reading the situation and not being willing to get down off the bike more quickly did put me in a shaky situation.

A little bit of a red face.

I am surprised and in wonderment at myself that here I am trying to love my neighbor as myself and this is what I do. When I recounted the story to someone else, they wondered if I was at risk of getting in a fight. I have never thought of that but probably yes, especially if I had reacted to the comments and the “bless your heart words”in particular.

As I went on my way further out towards the bay under the watchful eyes of falcons in high nests, the whole incident is playing in my mind and I wonder how I could’ve done better. I reasoned about the fact that she had no intention of hurting me, that I was not under threat of any kind and that she was just trying care of cooling off her big shaggy dog.

This led me to start praying for Riley and the mother of Riley and as soon as I had done my first prayer I felt my stomach release like something was letting go that had been totally tightened up and tightened in. Nice to feel that letting go and realized that the prayer was the thing that is helpful to me.

Shouting almost got her in a fight.

In my last blog about Moriah and Springtime, I mentioned the devil taking a pound of flesh. I had some misgivings about these ideas from my religious background. And also mentioned by Shakespeare in one of his plays. I remember the delicacy and the terrible feeling I had in the play when someone was ordered to give a pound of flesh for something they did.Would there be some pound of flesh here to be paid?

 I went to the beach later and there was a gentleman shoveling the sand off the path that led up and over onto the beach. He said he was doing his civic duty and we had some friendly talk about his ancestors being from Scotland. The next day in the same place I am getting on my bike and my foot catches on the path and the bike falls to the right and I fall to the left. There are some ridge marks on my leg and I feel a thump on the ribs but very little after effect.

All fall down

I get up and go my way but wonder if that fall was the pound of flesh for my efforts to pray for the woman and squash my perseveration about what she had done. That I needed to fall down is one thing but my attitude to the falling down is another. While I have some pain I won’t be suffering from it because I repeatedly let it go by praying for all concerned, myself included.

My index finger on the right hand is refusing to bend up all the way toward the palm. This is something very new and I now have this idea that the right finger is used for pointing at people in accusation. “Look she did the wrong thing, she let her dog off the leash.” There is another way to use the hand which is to turn it over and open my hand out and allow the light to go through my hand to go to the person, acknowledging the light in them. Namaste. Love from Rose Marie.

Posted in Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Moriah Celebrates Springtime

Moriah and Druid Bernie were going to have some afternoon chat to celebrate the fine weather and the spring time. Moriah thought she could hear the sap climbing up the tree where she had put her arrangements out at the back of her house. She knew the green buds on the tall tree would be out in no time and the tiny new birds would be hatched out too.

Last year a fledgling  robin flew into the side of her head when she had startled it with her presence near by. The bird startled her too and she was thankful for the scattering it brought. She hoped she could be lifted up with the sap, hear its rushing, this year again, if only for a few seconds. 

When the Robin flew into the side of her head scattering her.

When she saw Druid Bernie coming down the lane in his great one piece robe, made on a loom by the dwarves, she was delighted. When he gave a low whistle, the mother hedge hog came out of the bank on the side of the avenue. The banks were covered with primroses, pale round yellow wheels surrounded with early spring greens.

The mother hedgehog rounded in front of him. She had three babies who stood and stared. Bernie found some dried berries in his pocket and gave them to the mother hedge hog who shared them with her babies. After talking to them all he pulled himself up and came on down the lane to Moriah’s house. He had a new walking stick but was moving just fine.

An old dead tree still has its place

The water pot was hopping on the fire ready to make tea,  and her fire was finishing off cooking her latest fare full of the last of the apples and dried blackberries and honey, eggs and cream. It was no time after greeting each other, that they were ear deep in the drooling sweetness.  

He pulled out his pipe and filled it. He had a little wooden pipe and she had one with a little hole in the side to let air in to burn the better with. They let the effect of the smoke wander over their full stomachs and empty brains. Now they were ready to talk. 

Cleaning up the emotions and moods

They talked about emotions and about moods and thinking. Bernie said that she had to realize that the thinking affected her emotions and mood and that she could control the thinking, reason with it, if she put her mind to it. 

Bernie brought up some old dreams she had shared with him in the past about horses. He said that sometimes her thinking acted as unbridled horses and appeared in her dreams as horses that came up stairs or horses in the barn that had evil intentions toward her. At the time  she never though that she was responsible for the mad horses. Now he thought she might be ready to consider her part in the wild horse dreams. Wake herself up a bit.

Many animals appear in dreams

He told her to make sure and get out of the way when a group of the horses came barreling down the street that would cooly run her over. He said she was releasing some mad emotions and it is best to get out of the way of intense feelings that are overwhelming. She could ask for the divine spirit to help her and know she would be helped and that the intense feelings would go away given a little awareness. Breath out and breath out some more, he told her. 

Othere dream horses

If that did not work she could go to a healing ceremony, stand in the middle and let the druids spin the black thorn sticks above her head until she could hear their whir and fall into that sound of healing that came after some time of spinning in the middle.  He was not sure she would need that but said he could arrange it if needed. 

Message from a horse of another color

He said that one never knows when one has stirred up a hornet’s nest inside by making a strong prayer to change from the same old same old to something higher. She had pledged her energies to helping others, by making more pure dream interpretation and she had pledged more kindness in her relationships. 

When she kicked out those opposing intense feelings it was the devil taking a pound of flesh on the way out that stirred up some illness, pain or accident. She should not be too surprised if she bumped herself in some way. It was just a reminder that the unconscious was adjusting to what she had pledged and more intentional releasing was needed. Breathing out such negative emotions would help again.

Chasing out – looking for a pound of flesh

Druid Bernie said that the important thing for her is to prevent that old boy from saddling back in on her old established patterns. If she let the same old emotions and black moods back in it would be seven times harder to start again.  

Moriah was not sure she could see any more of this and felt her eyelids drooping and her mind wandering. She went with it and was soon fast asleep. 

The three dreams

She had three dreams and when she woke up the Druid had completed three interweaving circles and in each circle he put the main image from her three dreams. Then he got up and said it was up to her to find where they intersected and especially to find that center in herself that was the center of the tree dream circles. 

He said he hoped she would not stay too much above in the trees with the sap, but come down where her dreams were leading her. 

And with that he was gone again. She always felt some pangs of loneliness at his retreating back but was soon looking into his circles. She hoped the wind would not blow the dust away and prevent her from figuring it all out. She would be sure to ask him about it on his next visit and she pulled out some paper and began making her own circles. How she loved to do that. 

The end. 

Love from Rose, Happy dreaming and happy figuring out, finding the answers within you.

Posted in Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Let the dream interpret you. 

Instead of interpreting the dream, let the dream interpret you. 

I dreamed that I was on the rail line between Dublin City and Howth and I got off in Sutton and set off walking on that patch of land that goes out to Howth Harbor. In the dream I was wondering whether to walk the road, well-trafficked, or to make my way onto the beach and walk to Howth through rocks and sandy beach. 

Rocks leading up to a doorway in Wolfe Street in Harrisonburg

I reenter the dream. 

Active Imagination

I get off the train and use the stairs to get on to the bridge above the railway line. From there I have access to the beach. I see that the tide is in and I have to walk on some black rocks.The water comes up to my knees at one place.  I am thinking about the idea of past lives and how that might be part of who I am. I leave that thought to concentrate on not falling into the water, as I carry my shoes and bag, empty now of lunch contents, three apples and cottage cheese. As the beach widened I walk up along the sand.

It is early November and the Irish Sea is warm still after a lovely summer. The water is mostly glassy with a few ripples near the shore as the tide recedes again. 

Sandy Beach in Porto Rico

I am tired after a long day, walking on my platform shoes and working my office job.

I go into the water up to my waist. I think of the idea of walking on water and put my foot up on the water to see if I get any leverage. I fall forward on my face wetting my hair and not being able to swim. 

African American Teens from the Dreams

I exhaust myself a bit more but am enlivened by the water and the sunny evening. When I come back to the beach I spread out my coat and lie on it. Now warm in my clothes, I am soon fast asleep. And in this sleep this dream did come…I dream…

I am again walking up the beach 

Other Dream Figures

I see a figure, who seemed to come out of nowhere, in a robe of blue and white stripes. He is sitting on a make shift chair made of some sticks and canvas loosely slung together. He is sitting at a fire on the beach. He pushes a piece of wood with his foot as he invited me to sit myself at the fire.

Still Waters in the evening time on Shenandoah River, near Port Republic.

I am surprised at the offer to walk on the still blue water. The sun was setting, as we tried out our steps on the water, now changing colors to gold and reflecting many colors from a heavenly sky. We circled as I glanced out to Ireland’s Eye seeing that knob of land so near, so green, so beautiful. From there we flew to the island and walked the rocky path to the highest point. The waxing moon had found its place in the sky. This was a take off place for many destinations.  

Mandala Representation of IRELAND’S EYE

When we came back a fisherman greeted us warmly, as we left our dance. He gave us a parcel. This was some of the best tasting food I ever had. The drink was of a marvelous taste. 


I was awoken from this dream by a blue bottle fly trying to get in my open mouth. I sat up and rubbed by eyes and looked around. Distracted by the blue bottle I almost forgot my dream. I paused and began to back track through the dream. Did I really fly out over Ireland’s eye and see the moon rising over it? Was the moon a little dusty as I landed on it and who was that wonderful person that seemed to come out of my bones and make me feel at home in the magical waves?


The sun was about to go below the horizon as I left my dream musings. I gave thanks for the lovely dream and gathered myself and set off for my home located on Church Street, Howth. I planned to write that dream down in my journal and fill it full of all the details. I would draw some images too. 

Recent watercolor of a blending in together in the dance

That evening as I meditate I have trouble stilling my thoughts. I am sitting still easy enough. I bring myself back again and again to reducing my size into a small little happy baby pose, as I still my thoughts into a glassy sea surface. Suddenly there is a crack and something breaks away from me and falls on the floor. It happens more times and soon I am small enough to be in the middle of a lotus flower, the petals of which are falling away from me until there is a diamond light above me, blinding me.

As it settles down and as I go lower below the light I see it is a warm steady flame above me. Out of this space I send out this light, love and healing to what I see are the troubled spots in the world. I have a long list and as I go through it, focused on this point of light I am cleansed and healed by it. I send it to surround my readers too. 

I travelled to a marvelous place, Porto Rico recently.

Love from Rose 

Posted in Psychoanalytic, Traveling and Dreams, Uncategorized, Watercolors | Tagged | Leave a comment

A Dream Jogs my Earlier life Back into Focus.

Much of my earlier life is very definite in my mind, yet when I try and remember some of the fine details they can escape me. What did the railway station in Howth look like? And the way between the station and the strand and many other details are vague to me now. Nevertheless I find that when I write, I fill in details sometimes without being sure that I am right. 

Today I went back to Crimora in Virginia to show my friend the Riprap trail and I was certain how to get there, with a Bear lane someplace nearby. I often went up the trail to the deep swimming hole, very cold, with friends and church groups. I was always getting into that water too. I found Bear Lane,  but this road dead-ened with big notices of Private Property and houses where there used to be a parking place where the horse boxes pulled up and where we, as hikers came regularly. It has been closed down for a few years and there is current litigation going on about it. I was disappointed. I brought my waking sticks and hoped I could go back there. 

I doodle while I listened to a recent dream.

I was satisfied that my memory was better than I though, when we stopped into a local gas station and found out what was going on. 

A recent dream brought me back to a time when I lived in Howth, County Dublin in my 20s. I lived in community and we had a yoga teacher. He did not live with us.  I became the bread baker for the community/company and sent bread into the store/gym in town. The bread I made was always whole wheat bread. Sometimes I made apricot pies and raisin bread too using wheat based crust. Large cans of cooked apricots from Spain were available locally and very delicious, even with a bread crust.

On a recent airplane ride I drew a picture of my fellow passenger. She was inspired to draw a picture of herself for me in return. We talked dreams and the journey was shortened for us both.

There was a walled in Garden up at the back of the house that was accessed by the stairs through the house. Under the apple trees, filled with blossoms, in the spring was a wonderful place to lie. There were little bedrooms and big bedrooms. I had met my ex-husband through the yoga and we hung out and lived together in this house. There were a number of couples and one child that lived with her mom.

Watercolors of some friends I met recently on a trip.

We paid rent and also give more than the required amount as we felt inspired to support the whole venture. It was mixed up with past lives and the idea that we were all pretty important people in a distant biblical past. One of the tall girls had some ability to see the past lives of others. She said I was interested in prison reform and was a quaker in another life. The Edgar Cayce readings were front and center, backing up these ideas.

As part of this community our duties were to teach yoga classes. We practiced yoga but we’re not given much in the way of formal training. The leader liked to come in late at night after some class in Dublin, and we all stood around as he talked. We had some high jinks with dancing on the table and staying up all night and had a lot of fun, as a group. 

Mandela in architecture in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

I was passionate about things like prana, diet, and yoga exercises. We did classes in the towns both far and near. I was dropped off in Mullingar, in the center of Ireland.  My classes were held in an upstairs hotel room with big windows that looked out on the street. I waited for the other person to come back from her class in another town, to get my ride back to Dublin.

Part of the Yoga business included selling cottage cheese and bread to the class members as well as in the store/gym in Eccles Street  in Dublin. Not everyone loved the hard bread and follow-up business was not always that great for my bread. The cottage cheese was made by another member of the group. He took on this onerous chore of producing cottage cheese to a consistent standard.

From the dreams – completed in session while working on a dream

I was interested in dreams back then and kept a number of big dream journals. When emigrating to the United States I decided not to bring them with me and left them out for the trashcan. Later I kept dream journals and pondered their meaning. 

I am still having dreams but much less often, reduced to a few a month. I do hear dreams every day from others and love to hear them, draw them, talk about them and generally walk around in them. Chains have appeared in three dreams of others lately. 

From the dreams

This morning in meditation I quieten my body into a stillness by breathing exercises and chanting. I am also seeing the need to quieten my mind so I brought myself back to this task a few times. I said “less and less” of Rose and “more and more of God” as I got into a child’s pose (yoga) in my mind a number of times. Eventually there seemed to be a shift and I felt some thing that was around me fall away and like a lotus flower opening. I was left with a center above me. It was shiny and diamonds and finally a flame. 

Karen had a big party week planned in Puerto Rico. This is the picture she drew for me.

When I told this to another, he said that when I said those words he had the vision of being very small and going into the lighted cross. I am reminded of the white shadow of the cross from my mother’s dream. I felt calm and at peace after the meditation. 

If you are wondering what to do about any war situation, you can meditate at 8 am and 8 pm each day and when you get into some center in yourself, you can send the light to surround the leaders of nations. Do not be frustrated, accept what is and be assured your prayers will be heard in God’s time. Thank you for reading, for considering these things. I look forward to comments.  

This little light of mine – I’m going to let it shine.

Love from Rose.

Posted in Psychoanalytic | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Moriah and What Happened under the Bedclothes.

Moriah was in bed as she often was. She liked to go to bed at nine and get up when ever she woke up in the morning, usually between seven and nine, depending what the sun was doing. She had the habit of waking for two hours in the night to get into the silence of herself. This she liked to do, while she stretched her leg out of the bed to loosen up the sciatica area and or hang her head over the end of the bed and feel the stretch through her neck.

Hanging off the bed

Then she might be chanting or singing at the same time. It had to go on in her head because she was now sleeping with her new man, Garoidi.  If he was snoring loudly she could let some notes out into the air. However they had to coincide with his uvula flapping loudly.

The only problem was that her new room mate did not seem to understand her habit of stretching, meditating, being quiet and generally that Moriah is trying to be in another dimension, in the night. He did not understand that she believed that being touched in this time messed up her concentration and her energies. 

A little conflict

Initially she went up to the loft to sleep and do her meditation and that was a fine arrangement for both of them as they could be together at times and Moriah could still have her space to pray, upstairs. He made great efforts to bring her into the same bed as him and after some time she found she liked sleeping with him and would meditate separate from him, while bring together most of the night. 

As time went by and the winter came and the cold nights, she especially liked to lay her hip bones up against his back and feel the warmth spread through her. He was like an angel with fire in his wings keeping her toasty and warm. She got in the habit of meditating along side him. She got a new bed and with the extra room she felt she could stay put to meditate on the other side of the bed. 

He was blue in the face trying to figure out her shenanigans.

He did not understand this habit of hers. When she had moved away from him to the edge of the bed, he wanted to put hands on her to be sure she was there, to be sure she was his.

Moriah would tell him that when she was meditating he had to stay over there on his side of the bed and she could be separate, talking with God. He said he wanted to go along with that but in the dark of the bedroom at night, he felt like he was in the under world, that somehow in that silence, when her breath was so quiet, he felt aloneness and that she was gone, like a ghost without substance, perhaps she would melt into nothingness and he felt she was gone from him completely.

Maria did not have a lot of sympathy for Garoidi when she would feel him waking up, and half see him in the dark, on a moonlight night,  feel him through the bed clothes raising his arm up into the air, pivoted so that it was over her and come down silently, quietly, delicately onto her breasts. 

Moriah got a little mad at him.

As time went by, her patients seem to dry up more and more and as that hand pivoted and came towards her she would slap it away not careful that her nails didn’t touch him and mumbled that she was meditating and he had to stay over there. 

After she pointed her index finger at him in the dark, that seemed to have the effect of moving him over onto his side, like a bolt of lightening. He might move a little towards that side of the bed, his side of the bed, grumble, yawn loudly and not take his feet over to his side of the bed. Moriah had to go down with her feet and push them over towards his side of the bed, and like a baby that was being smothered under the blankets, violently push his errant feet, with two short kicks. Then the feet might move over an inch or two to his side of the bed.

Moriah lost in her own madness

He wondered if some barrier between them would do the trick, and said he was handy with wood and could create a wooden barrier with two holes in it to facilitate relations but otherwise they could be separate. Moriah felt a little huffy at this suggestion. He seemed pleased with himself, having found a manly solution to the issue. 

In the bed

He said he wanted to understand what she wanted but felt Moriah was kicking him slowly but surely out on to the wet window sill. Moriah wondered why he could not leave her alone in this time of her reaching. Lucky for Moriah he did not seem to hold a grudge toward any of these activities during the night coming from Moriah. He professed to love her dearly and Moriah could feel his heart felt care for her especially after meditating. He was like a warm light nearby lying there with lighted wings of love. 

In meditation

As Moriah meditated she was drawn inwards even as she was rolled out like dough again and again and came together as a scroll along her back bone. She would not give in to the cries for sleep or sex, or for any other activities while she meditated on her back.The end.

Posted in meditation, Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

All Songs and Dances Considered

The Hindu chant meet Christian hymns and Christian meditation meets kundalini yoga.

Dancers in the Back Bone

The silence pulls the light of attention up through the thick grease of my backbone; The silence creates a way there, where a crowd of dancers come up and the leader of the dance has light feet. I barely feel the steps in my backbone. It is the dancers in the Degas paintings; it is the question about the dancers for only one answer is the right answer. “I am the leader of the dance says he.”

As I go on with the chant the dance goes on. The dancers do the vine dance catching hands circling around, being led. The delicate feet of these dervishes reach down to put something in place in the ground of my being that has been out of place for a long time . I smile and they go on their way and the silence surge softly backwards when their light feet are truly gone leaving me with the traces that their delicate hands leave behind and their delicate foot work imprints in me. I feel their plans to prosper me and not harm me. 

From a Dream over twenty years ago – naked in a cave making my own walls.

I am playing the hymn “let me be your servant too” because the tune has been so attractive to me recently. Dancers come to be my servant, to heal me and hold me and make me smile from ear to ear and to put me into fits of laughter and joy.

The Dreams

Healing Medicine Buddha – I had a dream of a huge Medicine Buddha in my back yard. I was doing mindfulness meditation at that time.

In one dream I was investigating several brown paper bags, all brought in by Sandy. In each one, there was different homemade cakes. (Sandy bakes a mean cake when she puts her mind to it.) I was looking for the very best one. I kept taking small bites out of them but none were quite right.(A bit like baby bear, I think.)

Maybe my dream above about the cake is about the tv I watch, beset by ads for medications that list 100 different bad side effects. The ads are many for brains and breathing. After an hour of ads spliced into my game shows, watched nightly for four months now,  I know the strange names of these meds. Not much really good cake there, for me but they have it right, the brain, thinking, the heart, breathing are our two most useful tools on this path.

My mother’s iconography – Child of Mary Medel from when she was in boarding school, early 1930’s and “The Holy Face of Jesus” brought home from Lourdes by my Great Grandmother in 1950’s.

The dream from the young man where he shoots another and then the chase is on.He is cornered, uses disguise, at the woman’s insistence, and then is off again. He is cornered again and decides to “give up.” Has he hit a certain degree of acceptance or will the next dreams tell me where his next move lay. 

The heart chakra woman from the dreams pointing the way to the helpers.

The dream of the young woman, Mary, who in her dream pulls off her gold glasses and finds that behind the glasses, she has a jewel encrusted flesh around her eye and that there is a probe going on into her brain through the eye.

From the Dreams

I though of that advertisement where the character is asked if his glasses are real gold and he suddenly sits forward and says “Is there another kind of gold I do not know about.” He may not know about the gold  “tried in the fire.” Perhaps Mary’s ministry has some extra special help when she turns and tries to heal others, be a servant.

The above dreamer, Mary,  had an accident, is not hurt but says “everything is slowed down.” I am interested in this slowing down. There are more accidents all around in our thinking and slowing down in meditation will help us with this. 

Staked through the Heart – pinned to the wall. It can be an agony in the garden to make changes.

The accident of thinking that success is possessions. The accident of forgetting that we are spiritual beings. The accident of forgetting the spiritual gifts of healing. The accident of forgetting we are our brothers keeper. Being a servant will be so helpful to remember. 

My client talks to me of her anxiety, as an achievement, about which she can do nothing. We identified it as a lump inside and no point in adding to it. How about a minute for every year of your life on a daily basis devoted to The Word or what ever word you need, to keep you in the way of finding your way out of the coma, sleep we find ourselves in. 

A Doodle at Bible Study – referencing a dream where I was been examined and poked to see what was wrong with me.

I am playing the melodica. I am a little in love with “Morning has broken” in the hymnal. The words at the end sing of the garden “sprung in completeness, where his feet pass.” The other words are saying about birds… “Praise for them springing Fresh from the word.” Life is one big mystery/miracle.

My Bible co-studiers say that the Word is it and the Bible is the word. Unless we personally imbue the words with the spirit, it is a dead thing. TheWords are no use unless we get a hold on some bit or other until it is embued with the spirit.

More snow this morning but not as much as this lot.

I heard the bird chirping near by this cold cold morning where the porch temperature is climbing above freezing as I sit out all bundled up. Nobody was out earlier, just a door opened and a juicy curse fell out. Saturday morning coming down? 


 It is just after 12 noon now. Everything, the snow, even me, has sprung fresh from the Word. There are saints and Mystics to consider. Our thinking is what creates us, for good or ill, or in balance in the Tree of Life of ourselves. Meditation is one of the secret tool, talking to God/Goddess is the secret tool. The embruing comes from the time alone, in silence opening to The Spirit being poured down on from above. 

Jesus is an example of One who got in touch with the Father and had a hold on the Word to the point where miracles happen. He noted before he climbed away from his ministry that we can all do great miracles. Go talk to him or your favorite Saint or Mystic,(Male or Female) or Master and look for that Appian Way, up the backbone to God. It is your very own personal thing. Love from Rose.

That Little Light of Mine ….

PS Prayers please – you for me and me for you. 

Posted in Kundalini, Psychoanalytic, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Dreams and Dancers

Dreams are stories that have something to tell us. They hold the key to what gets opened that comes through from our soul’s desire. It is a combination of putting together what we need  and looking at what new developments and lessons are coming our way.

From the Dreams

Many dreams have difficult elements to them. Nightmares come through with torture and trauma, shootings and runnings. These are  the forever elements in the nighttime landscape. There is not just hardship but some kind of a pull of the soul’s desire to bring us into ourselves and some ball of twine, gordian knot, some scheme of dream has to be undone.

From the dreams

When we are in a dreamed centered life we can go home to ourselves and satisfy the longing of the soul to be heard. Even if the dreams are not pleasant, they still come out of our home place. Learn to be comfortable sitting into the dream. These dreams are time events and they may be hard ones but we need to develop a relationship with the dream. 

We have to care about it;  we have to look at it, even have to have a little bit of love for the dream.  The way to do this is daily practice going forward, at least one hour a day, to spend  time on these extra ordinary events. They are difficult and they are different but they will bring us into an “at-home-ment,” an at-one-ment,  an-attain-ment within us and an at-tune-ment with the unconscious.

From the dreams

My next dream last night after writing the above is about two chickens. One chicken has been let go and a fox is running around after it at a little distance. The second chicken is between my two hands and I can not let it go, its dirty feet are inches from my face and they are straining away from the sight of the fox toward my face. I am asking for help and want to let it go. Nobody is helping and it does not seem to be time to let it go. If I let go my face will be scratched with those dirty feet. 

From a session

Associations: These chickens are like those that are carried in the great big trucks with cages piled high and chickens packed in. The truck flies past with loose feathers getting away and usually a fairly good stench to assault my nose. My association to the fox is the devil, stealer of chickens in my childhood and a generally very frightening animal that might pounce on me when I closed in the hens late at night.I would become airborne as I sailed back into the lighted house from the hen house. In my dream I am not afraid of the fox at all, only of being torn by those chicken feet. 

It is a difficult dream and may have been repeated in the past with some other animal. But chicken it is today. I wake in the night to meditate but not before I go back and forth with my dream. The chicken feet are determined to claw my face. The chicken is determined to pull off my persona so I can be in “My real face.”  l would like to throw away anything that would help me get inside the persona, happily give it to the fox. I should be thankful for this scratching beneath the surface of the persona that will bring me in contact with what lives beneath.  

The mandala below brings associations to transformation and to coming to the place of being ready for change. (I am a MARI trained teacher now.)

After this conclusion I settle down to meditate after stretching and massaging my sluggish bones and brawn. I am doing my christian version, starting with the Our Father and going up through the chakras in my back as I go along. I do a “aaarrreeeeeummm” in a long breath feeling vibration going through my throat up through the center of my brain where the chakra associated with God is closest. 

This image came from a dream a young woman shared in session

Yesterday I saw birds land on someone’s hand(Facebook connection,) as she holds out food for them. It took me a while to realize the food was on someone’s hand. The bird landing on the side of her hand took a lot of control and determination to balance.

In my meditation it was as if a dovelike, big white bird comes in behind me and the wings are down my arms and I see light, white and feel a lift, carried. I am being shown something new, feeling into a new way. I am delighted with this and thankful that this has happened. I send it out in my healing prayers for my readers and all on my healing list. 

The Hindu chant meet Christian hymns and Christian meditation meets kundalini yoga.

It pulls the light, the attention, up through the thick grease of my backbone and it creates a way there where a crowd of dancers come up. The leader of the dance is of light feet and I barely feel the steps there, in my backbone. It is the dancers in the Degas paintings, it is the question about the dancers, for only one answer is the right answer.

As I go on with the chant the dance goes on. The dancers do the vine dance catching hands circling around, being led. With a delicate hand they reach down to put something in place in the ground of my being that has been out of place for a long time. It makes me smile and they go on their way and the silence of white snow, full of sunshine, feathers settle in around me when the light feet are truly gone leaving me with the traces that their delicate hands leave behind and their delicate foot work does no harm in me.

Even without sunshine on the snow it is very beautiful when it first falls.

I am playing the hymn “let me be your servant too” because the dancers have come to be my servant to heal me and hold me and make me smile from ear to ear and to put me into fits of laughter and joy.

You meditate and pray for me and for your loved ones and of course for the best of your enemies. I have a practice that falls over seventy minutes usually. I feel the winds of change circling, vine dancing us, and I am glad to be here with you now. Love from Rosemarie.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments