One New Yorker spoke of his heritage. His father’s people were killed in a Pogrom and his mother’s people were sent to concentration camps. We had a moment talking about what this is like. It was beyond words. I told him I have been working on forgiveness and he was certain “no way” in his case. He put his hand up in the air and looked back over his shoulder as he looked into the past of these atrocities.
In my anger management group there is a unit on forgiveness and I felt I needed to rewrite the whole thing. I found an article in Venture Inward (Edgar Cayce magazine) on The Practice of Forgiveness (Written by Jennifer Hadley) in the last year. Her advice on how to forgive is particularly useful. I adapted it into my ideas below.
The practice of forgiveness adapted by Rose to a particular situation.
I found someone to be mad at, who refused to acknowledge me because I refused to discuss some current political issues. I was insulting to him about his always talking. I was in fairly close proximity to this person and felt the presence of this conflict for a few days – a well felt intense energy. I half-heartedly prayed about it but gossiped just as often to who ever would listen to me.
I was growing my own weeds relating to this whole thing. I watered them with my emotions and fired them with the heat of my anger. I grew them in the darkness of my nighttime musings. I aired them with my associates whenever I could. This is a poor use of the energy through my four lower chakras.
I got good advice to “just let it be” and “pass no remarks” and “I am glad you shut him up for once.” But this is not forgiveness. Over time I will not be angry, as I get on with my busy life, but I will be haunted by the little episode any time I am triggered into remembering.
I did not get over the grudge, and was not able to stop putting my life force and my thoughts into the whole episode.
Jennifer Hadley says that Love is the only healer and that “True forgiveness is when we are willing to stop judging the people and the situation.” And “True forgiveness is the release of the meaning we have made of things, releasing our attachments to our interpretation.”
At this juncture of writing, I joined my fellow church goers in spirit for the ten o’clock service, due to social distancing, as I had travelled recently and was advised to play it safe and not go to church. Then I went outside to meditated in the fresh air. The birds were very vocal, the street busy and my neighbor’s dog started barking inside next door. He only threw himself at the window once during his barking. I got cold and after twenty minutes went inside.
During all this time I tried to make myself let go of the dog barking, going back to my practice. I kept making an attempt to connect to God in a way that acknowledges I do not have a clue and cannot approach God with my rational mind. Later I sent love out to my readers and forgot to send it to my person that was still wandering around in my thoughts in a negative way. I did feel into the need to forgive myself for my words and for my mistake, upsetting the other. I think that helped.
My resentment is that I was treated “that way” and my regret is that I was not able to gain the upper hand in the situation.
If I fall into the idea that he is the same as me, has the soul needing saving the same as me, and that he needs and deserves love as much as I, that would be me changing my interpretation. The advice from Hadley gives us is to go into our hearts and say “I do not want to judge this anymore.” We can get into the door and go into the heart through our dreams, prayers and meditation.
I had a dream once of my father, after his death, coming to me to say “We are all the same.” If I am interested in maintaining the idea that I am all good and he is all bad, that I am all right and he is all wrong, then I am not interested in the truth that will make me free.
The other recent dream that wakes me up about my negative thoughts is one of a rat coming through my roof into my arms. I am again trying to control this wild animal and he goes for my right groin. The dream gave me pause. It caused me to meditate and pray more diligently, more focused so I could be free and the naked truth of my thoughts could be changed.
This whole episode falls into place when I keep going after having peace about the situation, through my meditation, through prayer, chanting and through asking for help. Eventually I see that everything comes my way for my learning, to not judge myself and to not judge the other, to love myself and to love the other, to wish him well and wish myself well by doing this inner work that I have embarked on. I have no cause to interfere with anything he chooses to do to me, that is outside of my control and that is karma. I have the option to pray for his soul and leave it at that.
Love from Rose.
PS: Please sign up for an e-mail. Please pray for me as I pray for you. We both will be the better able to be helpful to others and to practice forgiveness seventy times seven.