As Mariah walked home from dream group she thought she had created her own stiffness and there was not much she could do about it as it had been going on for a long time, bit by bit, piece by piece. When she got home, she hugged a tree seeing its roots running our on every side of her to many distances of feet, under the grass. She could feel the sap in there. She had sap in her too, running though the trunk of herself. How were they the same and how were they different she wondered. The tree never ceases to love, cleaning our air, gracing us with shapes and beauty and colors, shade and whispering sounds or windy roars. We might have more in common she thought. She hated when she heard them being sawed down and she knew she was a tree hugger at heart.
How could she get into her own spine and reeducate it into being suppler, wavier in the sending up of energies, to be just like the tree. Could she send down roots out of her own heels, supportive, connecting deep into the stable ground beneath her heels, with her own energetic roots.
She often sat outside breathing deeply, imagining reaching down into the earth, yet connected on five strings on her body and going deeper and deeper, creating space for healing inside. As she went deeper and deeper, into the warm dark of the earth, her bones become harder until some of those bones would become like diamonds and shiny, loosing the hold of her demons, she hoped.
As she lay under the tree, she decided to root herself by using breathing. This produced heat in the area of the sacred place of the sacrum. Lying on the grass she made more contact with the earth when we breathed out. She was letting go of her willpower and giving herself over to the will of the great mother coming into her on her breath. Her spine went more into its natural position, fully supported by the ground, and the earth and the great mother in turn.
It is in this position too that she felt the move back into her mother’s womb when she was held there supported by the great mother of all. There she did womb breathing where her body breaths in and out, breathing without air, slow rhythmic, for a number of breaths. She could see the placenta caring for her in totality as she had developed in the womb. Here she tapped into the great mother energy that brings the grass up all the time, all around her and wanted it to come roaring up her back wanting above anything else to increase her energy, her life force and her healing, and in turn bring her into her inheritanc of being connected to others in her heart, delighted and in love with it all.
Concentrating in these ways got her into the creative center of herself. The feeling of expansiveness, included the whole body and beyond, while she constantly maintained a position of utter stillness, lying on the grass.
She thought about the dream group and of the dream she heard about the small flies in the cilantro. She likes the cilantro but hated the flies which were coming into the dream because they needed attention. Flies are in and of themselves very instinctual. While those flies come up in an instinctual and crude way they bring the good news that the instincts are getting activated for the dreamer. The dreamer considered how she was getting in touch with her instincts, walking by herself, using mantra to counter negative thinking, working with her dreams and being kind to others.
She thought of other dreams she heard that evening especially about the one of the dreamer who dreamed of being late. The dreamer is empty nesting fast, from a family that no longer needs her worry or input in the same way. Her fruits have grown up. How can she be sure they will not fall far from the tree of herself? Worrying from afar is frustrating for her. She is getting late for her own life. How can she have a fulfilling life, reorient herself to her own goals, now that they have flowered and flown the nest? She is feeling rootless, stuck, lost and her instincts are only oriented outwards, none focused on herself. “I am never late” she noted.
Then she heard of the dreaded dream of failing exams. Mariah suggested there is something he is not getting. Does he need to be learning more about mood and attitude, and to be prepared in his life for something he is refusing to consider. He is a conscientious man in many ways, and would never dream of coming unprepared for an exam. May be he is neglecting that one thing that is his to do, to take on. Is he hiding behind something Mariah wondered? An inner women may be involved, mother stuff, she volunteered. This is “exactly why I dislikes dreams” he said. Sometimes she wished she did not bait people into confiding dreams to her. She always feels the need to interest them in taking them seriously. She had learned a lot from some old grandmothers in the past and she had always felt a connection to such learning.
She thought about Uisneach’s dream briefly, where a woman showed up and was doing something she would not normally do. Mariah thought he should look at that which he would not do, because his inner woman would not let him do it, even thought it would be such a good idea to break through and do it anyway. He was not receptive to Mariah’s gully of words about his dream or her inference that joining a breathing group for men would be a good idea.
She fell asleep out there under the great tree. She could see stars twinkling far away, when she woke up. She felt a bit chilled and was happy to get up and go inside to drink some tea with Uishneach and to get him to heat up her frozen feet again, when they went to bed together and held hands. The end.
Rose got up in the night to do some reading and breathing and meditating. She was using that time to catch up on what she wanted to do including stretching out her knees on a heating pad over a pillow, doing some of the physical therapy exercises she had acquired recently.
She got into to a few different breathing exercises she was doing and felt a great expansiveness. She said her prayers. After three hours she had to concentrate on her lungs, as she breathed her way back into sleep. She had gone to a Kundalini class and a dream group the evening before, ate a lot of chocolate, and was surprised to be getting as much sleep as she did.
The wash loads are awaiting her and the almost dead flowers. She will sit to write here there and yonder to have a few piles of words made up at the end of the day, even as she dismantles other piles of things that are awaiting her.
And if you wish to talk with the lord of the flies, who is sending you a swarm, your very own flies, and if your sister comes to your basement door and you bang the door in her face, now you might want to reconsider that some part of you is bringing your instincts forth for you to consider and you can gain life from this paying attention to your own gifts of the unconscious, your unopened letters to you self.
Love from Rose.