The Catalpa leaves came down between the sunshine and the sunlit wall. As they fell then made a flight pattern down the house wall, along the blue boards of the prorch that draw Rose’s eye onto the space on the ground where they landed, on their sides among others, picking up the light of the low morning sun, one last time before lying down into their compost destination. A Carolina wren flew through those falling leaves catching Rose’s eye, her enquiry being, why was one to the leave flying? She soon realized that is was the little bird with the straight up tail ducking among the leaves falling from the tree. It was a surreal moment for Rose.
The leaves made their own sound, each one crinkling as they let go. They make the sound of a slow rain, splatting on leaves high up in a canopy, one set of sounds answering to another make by the two trees thirty feet apart in her yard.
Rose had a dream of a tall female neighbor, who is extra tall in the dream. Rose asked how they could not be better friends. And she got an answer. This female tall Goddess said it was because every time Rose calls on God, she is incoherent, burbling along, words not formed properly. Rose interpreted this to mean that in meditation she was burbling to herself and ignoring the phone to God. While God it throwing up that window to send down a blessing that there is not room enough to receive, Rose is burbling to her self about her grown children, her chickens and her battery, in which God has little interest. This Spirit needs some silence so that the Rose can be in the right position to receive such holy blessings from above, bringing both sides together to catch such blessings.
She has free will to think what she likes, to do what she wants without much insight and to phone whenever she wants, what she loves. She can stay looking behind into the past, in her stiff neckedness or she can swivel with beady eyes into her future. If she takes the trouble to sit and says it is the time to talk to God, then God only hears that incessant burble again and slams the window shut. She had the dream after a night time meditation which was less than centered even as she believes the try is counted. A little dream instruction to her to get herself centered.
Rose’s connection to twins, in and out of the dream world, has brought her to the Esau/Jacob story in the Bible. Jacob hears that his brother is on his way with his army to catch up with his holy lying thieving brother. They were in their fifties or older. The birthright story and the story of the cows had gone back and fourth and there had been some scuffle between their respective peoples and so Esau decided to catch up with Jacob after twenty years. Jacob hastily makes decisions about where to position his wives, that which is female in him.
Then Jacob withdraws, and this time he does not burble up to God. He shuts up and is silenced. To help him, he creates the circle of stones near the ford in the river, with his head in the center. His instinct for a mandala to aid him is there as he settles for the night in the dark. He has a few hours to be a lightening rod for the help he needs from God. He phoned home. He put out the call. He is ready at last for a quickening, into another dimension, no longer interested in manipulation, living in this burbling way, getting and spending and laying waste the opportunity to climb the mountain of Meru to God.
So the “man” came to him in a vision and Jacob has to wrestle with him all night long. His wresting is all about this change Jacob wants. He wants to be certain of his outcome in the morning. The “man” gives him a wound in the thigh, helps him out, to let him let go of his selfish, of earthly oriented work- more wives, more cattle and more land.
It involves a changing from what he wants into what the Spirit wants to bring to him so he is complete. He forgot that the covenant with his father Abraham included the stipulation that he and his would be essentially God’s people. He had forgotten this little detail.
But now he is serious, saying I want that something, that changes me from this to that. He no longer is counting the past and planning the future. He is in the present.
The “man” asks him what his name is and he has to admit it is Jacob. The “man” seemed to be satisfied with this admittance and gave him a new name of “Israel,” a man who prevails with God. He is changed from Jacob, the selfish man thinking only of the things of this world, into the unified man of body and spirit, of the twins within, the hairy animal natural man and the spiritual man united within. Now he can go meet his outer twin and be united with him, which he was. He fell into his arms. He tried to give a gift to his brother saying he was able to now see the face of the Devine in his brother. What a gift did Jacob receive after his night of wrestling.
Rose is aware of this “love your enemy” law. She is practing sending out a prayer to any enemies, big or small.. May they be well etc… And likes the feeling this is bringing to her. She is also working with clients to see if they will entertain such radical injunctions. She is hoping to get a new name out of it eventually. Usually she burbles first about why they are her enemy and is trying to stop that. She does not extend this law to squirrels that come near her space, allowing her animal self, to hiss at them a bit and let them know they are to keep their distance and keep out of her attic space. More Buddha prayers may be needed to transform this in Rose.
And if you want to weave a connection between your twin selves, your instinctual, nartual side and you intuitive spirit side, then working on dreams is really helpful. We need both sides of ourselves to make us complete and whole and we meet them in our dreams. I look forward to working with you and sending out a prayer for you. Love from Rose.
ps- like if you do and comment if something comes to you or if you had a laugh at my photo of Jacob and his wives. I laughed a bit when I did that. R