The first beast is supposed to represent fear and doubt and the second one represents double mindedness. I always have had trouble making up my mind, one way or another, and fear and doubt are staples of the mind.

I fought with double mindedness, wanting things both ways The Biblical version is thinking we can serve God and Mammon at the same time. We do the thing that keeps God out of the equasion.

Having things both ways might be to go in meditation into the Holy of Holies and then to have some thoughts that are “unclean” and certainly ruin the silence needed within having travelled into the sacred place of the Most High. Having created the sacred chalice within, we blow it to pieces with our planning and our worldly concerns.

Having decided to write I need a desire to write something that will be helpful to others. That is a goal I have. My ideal within that goal is to be discerning, which involves lots of editing. Sometimes I should have fear and doubt about what I am writing. I am serving the god of laziness and lie when I need to be in that of truth that will make me free.

So with this single mindedness to do God’s will for me I put my heel on the head of that serpent of double mindedness now. That creates the vessel, which we are, to hold that sacredness that we are going toward.

I foolishly fell into the problem of double mindedness about coming to the mountains, where the air is clean, the wind howls over the trees and the sun is burning my face just a little. It is so cold but I have a sunny corner on the porch, blocking the wind and capturing the sun. I feel cared for and healthy to be outside writing. The wren pops around near by on steps just below me. 

Bringing together the yes and the no of it brings me to the alchemy of “of course I do not wish to stay at home.” Go out and find God in nature in the mountain. Be delighted with where you are. Stand on the mountain and insist that the sun is not going down, so much as I am on the earth, that it is twirling at a fast pace in the vast domain of space. 

On the way to the Mountain we were eight miles from Seneca Rocks. It was early enough and we were charmed with these rocks bursting up out to the mountain, like great earth teeth, irregular and mighty. We were back in the car and Spruce Knob was just another ten miles out. We heard there was snow.

I was seized by fear and doubt as the snow got a bit thicker with less of the road visible. The driver never touched the brakes that I could detect. Then suddenly we were there at over 4,000 feet. The snow had covered the spruce trees totally with a marvelous glossy look, with a whiteness that sparkled as the sky lightened at times. There were many layers of mountains as we looked out from a two storied lookout whose sides were glassy with ice. The mountain shapes were barely visible through the misty snow.

The double mindedness now comes to me as the need to say some things or the need to hold back. I have to consult the Spirit, by just asking to see what is clear. A little spell in meditation, looking into the silence, asking, connecting with that center of presence of God in me, will be helpful. I have to weigh myself, shed anything heavier than a feather and float back to the cloud of love that is there to carry me and to love me and to include others in this level of love.

Two people I know are becoming grandmothers soon and I am delighted for them even as I am not a grandmother.

One of the young women who just conceived moves in my circle sometimes and I was moved  to get something for the mother-to-be. I searched in the co-op in vein and seemed to let the gift go. Then as I travelled we came to a dollar general and there I found the right soft toy with a washcloth attached. It was cute and bright and has a tag about New Beginnings. 

 I painted a card and found words about new beginnings and sent blessings.I placed it on her pillow with the card so she would get it later. The young mother involved  was delighted. She showed it to the father-to-be and they came and surrounded me in the kitchen, where they found me and their arms encircled me and I felt this great new beginning gives me a singing in my vibrations and I was filled with shivers as they walked away together. This New Beginning has found a way to include me.

Connecting with your very own Spiritual Path causes some trouble and you will have run ins with those Beasties that offer you choices that are not helpful to you and you may end up with some clean-up duties later. May you find your way also and pray that I insist on going with the movements of my own twirling until I turn around right.  Love from Rose Marie.