I had a recent dream that sent me back to my own drawing board in my efforts to feel I understood it. It had a nightmare quality and goes as follows:
I dream that I am in the front room of my mother’s house, which was her bedroom for the last years of her life. She had a double bed in there and I went in there to get a pillow to frighten off a rather large squirrel, mostly hidden in the trees outside. As I turned with my pillow I see this very large animal that is about a foot high and maybe four feet long come into the room on very short legs. It has broad shoulders and is mottled yellow, going from lemon yellow to ochre colors. The features of its head are not defined but it is using its sense of smell. I become so frightened that I become powerless and can only make very primitive fearful sounds as I see it investigate the room. I am awakened out of my dream.
This is a substitute for my drawing of the dream. The one I did the other day on this has hidden itself someplace. This one of the Revelations beast looks more benign. Drawing brings the fears down and puts them away in the right side of the brain.
The dream had me review my goals. Physically I want to be healthier, lower pain etc. I want to become more familiar with energy paths in the body to free out the old waste places where stiffness has settled, and keep it from progressing. Also accepting responsibility for the state of my body to prevent things getting worse as I age. This involves thinking, exercises, eating habits, meditation etc. Spiritually I am looking to the relationship with God in Meditation and Prayer. I am becoming clearer in wanting to give myself over to the will of God and what that means for me. To be silent within the meditation time to allow memories of who I really am, spiritually, come to me. To improve the quality of the silence, to breath into the body space. To let go of me as I think I am to find who I really am.
My relationships are also to be noted, to love them as myself, whether partner, clients, neighbors, relatives. This involves sending out good thoughts to others and also directing my energies back to how I project onto others, what I need to deal with in myself. And finally Mentally and Emotionally I am watching to reduce thoughts, to get into the present moment, to use mantra and song,to write, to bring in uplifting emotions that improve mood and let go of the sentimental, poor me habits. I want to pray for those that bother me. I can go mentally to the area in my chest and see blooming roses, breath in that marvelous aroma there and then to think of the person I am twisting myself up about, so I can untwist myself energetically, and give them a rose or two. You can see that all three of the above intersect as well as being separate.
My associations to the beast image above, brings me to the Book of Revelations, which I have studies as a handbook to look at the spiritual journey of the soul for the past 30 years. I opened to chapter 16 and 17 and it relates to the beast. It took a while to find that the beast refers to the ego. I found all my old free style drawings, where I translated the text into image. Here are some of them.
A recent drawing I did had me puzzled until I decided that the drawing was of this scene of God and Satan having a chat about my consecration to God and Satan sending in a fearful beast to frighten me senseless. Granted, the hair on my head was not hurt , just risen. I was disturbed for a number of days by intensity, which resulted in projections onto others and a general black mood. I was much more sinner than saint. Now I look at the face below on the drawing and I say “Go ahead with your sly seductive comely look. I am on to you. I am so busy that your efforts to manipulate me will not get anywhere. ” He is pretty confident he will get me again. I am sure that there is much more for me to learn about being humble.
I also thought of the Faust story, where Faust sold his soul to the devil, and in the story I wanted to help him get it back so badly. But he was never able to conquer his fear of what the Devil said he would do to him if he did not go along. Letting go of the old waste places, the habits of who we are, is a formidable task and will take years to accomplish. Working with my shadow in dreamwork is the key, where I can see what is behind me and take it out in front, to give it the fight it needs and to put it away in the right side of the brain, redeemed for all time. I am on my way and more so now, after the dream of the evil thing.
It took me until Sunday to ask for help, to walk in the park, and to acknowledge what the dream was about, to name the drawing above, to draw the dream, which left me free to find myself again. It took this time to take the air out of the fearful beast and reduce it to the little beastie it is. In this work we have to be certain of where we are going and not let any test take us down for very long, and preferable, not let it take us down at all. This encounter with evil, my own and collective, teaches me to reassert who my refuge and strengths are and to call on them often. I was taken by surprise in many ways by my fear.
So if you have some shadow work to do and would like to look at a dream or two, I will be happy to take out that sword pulled from the stones in my heart, and cut away the waste and wasted, to find the path that is pleased to be poured around, to be investigated, your very own path on and through this earth. All love surround you, from Rose