Recent mandala
I had a dream of my deceased mentor friend Maria. I am the go-between, between my friend Eliza, who celebrated her 80th birthday on Saturday, and Maria. Then a deer appears and complains that I am only giving him a cup of tea.
So after waking up I try and go backwards into the dream, as I am not long awake yet. I am distracted by the bright yellow light of the morning, which is a spectacular sky that is layered with clouds, tinged with lots of golden yellow. The yellow pervades the room and my yellow curtains take it on.
The deer complains he only gets a cup of tea. I am in the center with Maria on left and Eliza on my right.
So back to entering the dream, I attempt about 7 times before I get any traction. My mind leads me off in different direction, no longer remembered. I was back in bed. As I began to interact with Maria and my now 80 year old friend, I though I was meeting myself in the future and also meeting my spirit that has gotten out of this body, even further in the future, represented by deceased Maria.
Water colors on this post are from some years ago when I would try and paint my way through meetings.
I noticed that Maria has white hair and we talk about this. She says it matches her. I see she is wearing beautiful shoes, very elegant, black. Her upper body is clad in something with round black shapes on white maybe and the lower half all black. She was a natty dresser.(A way of working actively with the dream images, is to get yourself to fill in the blanks of the dream.)
But most of my work focused on the deer, who is complaining that all I give it is a cup of tea. It comes back as the deer of some time ago who has an arrow in its side/leg flank. I am dealing with leg pain myself so it gets my attention. I spent a time having the deer energy enter me, licking the wounds in me, gnawing at some areas. I see someone who I call a potatoe head, not attractive, who wants to help in exchange for something. I realize that I will not work with such energy and go back to invoking the protection and help of the Christ, as now represented with/by the deer.
At some point after this I go ahead into my meditation practice, and connect with the Christ energies inside and with the Father, through the hightest chackra. This is who I am interested in aligning myself with. This is where the energy comes down through me at the end and I have the choice to send it out for your and yours, for me and mine. This part of my meditation brings me to a close and as I stretch myself out of my long held posture, I fill with warmth, as if I got in my steam cabinet for a time.I finish up with “The Lord is my Shepherd.” “And Angel of the Morning don’t let me walk away.”
I went to my poetry group again. There was a poem about transference read and I scribbled a drawing of the reader. I liked his rendition of the whole idea of transference. He noted his past is triggered and is at work as transference in his life.
Then I was called within to try and explain to myself what counter-transference is for me. When I perceive someone attacks me, instead of calling the person with transference on what had just happened, I would go into defense mechanism, retreat into a corner thinking that the person was attacking me, when all that had happened was that I become the recipient of that other person’s transference.
That person feels all the usual emotions triggered by something in therapy, blaming me for the emotions they are now confronted with. As they try and deal with the actual insults from childhood, and with how it is tripping them up in the here and now, I am given the blame and if I accept it in the corner of shame, no body is helped. The transference is helpful, because the person needs to deal with this constipated way of dealing with life. If the therapist sees it and deals kindly with it, calling it fourth, having the person look at their emotion in the crucible of therapy then therapy is doing what it supposed to do.
And if you would like to get started in getting out what constipates you, gets you stuck, I will be happy to work with these transference issues as they arise. I do my own work as I look at what is going down underneath with myself, whether an old wounded animal appears again (without the wound this time) complaining about only being given a cup of tea. I am in a local café, having a fine breakfast myself and am going to draw that deer and see what comes up. The art-work will make it into this. I am calling you in. Do not hesitate. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Oh, you though I was addressing you, my dear, and maybe I am but I am also addressing my dream deer. Love from Rose.
Rose Longworth Counseling 